Those Bloomin' Budds

Joy's Homeland Visit

2008-12-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

Fairies are People too!

2008-11-22T09:45:00.000-08:00

I wanted to send a letter my uncle Trevor wrote to me to share his experience as a gay man coming out within the struggle of Mormon culture.
Most of you know Uncle Trevor is not really my uncle by blood but has been a member of the Budd family for longer than I have.

Trevor Southey is quite a well known artist who got his beginnings here in Utah, taught at BYU and illustrated many of the LDS churches instruction manuals.
The church still owns many of his original works today and he continues to draw global attention with his profound artistic expression using an incredible variety of mediums and communicating powerfully the shared experience of humanity.
My family has a strong LDS background and were among the very first Mormon members in Zimbabwe Africa. They have trickled in an almost pilgrimage-like journey from Africa through many parts of the world and most of them now reside here in Utah.

The unique thing for me is that I am gay, and so is my uncle Trevor.

I remember when he came out to my family mostly because suddenly “news” of uncle Trevor stopped reaching me and my other siblings and cousins.
I remember that talk of uncle Trevor continued only now it was furtively whispered with great “concern” and pity when the adults thought the children were not listening.
I remember that for many years uncle Trevor was isolated from the family that had so warmly adopted him in his youth.

I am 33 now and slowly the family has thawed and uncle Trevor is part of our lives again. He is especially part of my life as I feel that in many ways he paved part of the way for me to be openly gay and accepted in a manner of speaking.His story is unique, his wisdom is undeniable, and his words and his hopes are honest and kind.

Consider this letter...

Thanks,

Xander Gordon

CHILDHOOD DRAWING AND THE TOWN SISSY – Trevor Southey

I was the town sissy. In the unlikely event in such a small and remote place, there were possibly a couple of other candidates but if there were they were way overshadowed by me. It did not seem to be an issue. Even though I instinctively clung to my mother’s skirts, which must have annoyed my poor father, the ultimate sportsman and gentleman newly returned from war, I never remember him expressing any sense of shame. I also do not recollect any overt bullying by other kids. Of course I wore a shield of sorts. I was also the kid who almost died of rheumatic fever, missing months of school while languishing in hospital. Perhaps that confused the other kids. They had to pity me. Hah!Hah Hah

Surely the drawing (attached), which I did when I was perhaps seven or eight, would have been a clear declaration of my difference. It labels me sissy of the first order. And gradually I understood what made me very peculiar. I knew by some primal sense that it was not good. It would not do the tribe any good. It was disgusting. Little did I know how transparent it was. But in the polite society of Rhodesia, there may have been whisperings, but I remember no direct (overt) derision.

I was eighteen and recently arrived in England to attend art school when the first direct mirthful notification hit me. A bunch of students were all housed in a couple of boarding houses overlooking the English Channel. We were walking down the hill to school, boys in front, girls behind. Suddenly buoyant Nike sung out, “Southey, you walk like a queer”. It must have hit me hard even though it was probably good hearted. Perhaps I flushed red, but I kept on walking and got on with life, knowing that concealment was not easy, perhaps impossible.

Spring ahead a few years. I had converted to the Mormon Church and was drawn to Zion. There I determined my life’s course. I went to counseling at Brigham Young University within a week of arriving. I was steered to a confession to one of the twelve apostles who notified me clearly and to my mind callously, that not only would I be expelled from the university but would be deported should I succumb to my hateful inclination. I embarked on a serious and studious road to repentance and transformation, led by the counselor. Two things stand out in the advice I was given, one: learn to walk and talk like a man, and play baseball; and two: marry. The latter was part of my life’s dream anyway so I proceeded earnestly to date and then break the hearts of few fine women. I moved in my graduating year into an apartment with four other students. Months later I was startled to find one of these friends in a homosexual group therapy session. There was yet another surprise. By the end of the year it gradually became apparent all five of us were thus “cursed”. Guess birds of a feather… The other four adapted their lives to that world while I stubbornly went ahead searching for a wife. I found her during that same year and we were married the day after we both graduated. She was and is a remarkable woman. It remains by far my greatest regret in life that she suffered so much because of me.

Now decades later, having lived through something of a liberation with all its extremes, I find with my 70th birthday little over a year away, that a subtle degrading polluting and poisonous assault on my psyche remains in the form of voter rejection. Even many who profess to love me contribute, little knowing that the reluctantly proffered civil rights damages me, awakening again the self loathing I have had to fight all my life. Assuming I had someone I wished to live out my last days with as a companion, I must restrain myself from offending “normal” folk. I must not sully the sanctity of the word and institution of marriage by requesting its romance, its sweet umbrella and mantle. There is a certain human hunger for such ritual and it is denied me. That denial tells me that I remain a corrupting thorn in the minds of a majority, unworthy to love in my “perverted” way, unqualified to raise children within those bonds. That I have raised four children, fine honorable people who love me in spite of my “perversion” means little.

I would that those who voted yes on propositions that discriminate understand that I understand their primal revulsion. That same instinct has been the seed of the rack, the burning at the stake, lynching, and at its worst the Holocaust, usually justified by selected scripture and murky tradition. But we humans have at times risen above such bigotry. Witness the presidential election in the United States. And we should have the intellect and comprehension to rise to the full acceptance of a peculiar group within our societies, and embrace them completely. Words do matter. They can be murderous. There will no doubt be numerous suicides because of this one word of denial, marriage. Just ten years ago a young man in Wyoming was beaten and left to die on a fence in bitter cold because of insidious words of hate. Words can also be healing. This one word for those like me is huge in its capacity to heal.

And so my experience has evolved from anxiety as a child, to fear in early adulthood, to defiance and denial of my reality once Mormon, then to grief at the loss of marriage, family and dreams. The latter was coupled of course with exhilaration in personal acceptance. Then came years of bemused contentedness. But now I am raged and angry. No more the wimp, I am a man determined to claim right to full citizenship as a human, different but totally legitimate, and honest and vital in the lives of those I love.

And after all, fairies are people too.

Eric returns to his roots......

2008-06-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

We went to the Wild Animal Park. It may be the closest we get to returning to Africa for awhile. Eric enjoyed the flora as much as the fauna. He loved seeing this thorn tree so much that we tried to smuggle a branch into the camera case without getting caught. When we got to the car, we realized we were parked right under a thorn tree and we didn't even have to feel guilty about bringing home a branch of thorns.

Mom at In 'N Out

2008-06-16T20:41:00.000-07:00

I love this picture. I don't imagine she's too worried about the high cholesterol meal she's about to partake of.

Irreverent Eric

2008-06-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

At Cathy's request, Eric did his version of a 'jig' on Granny Borcherd's grave. Mom assures me Gran would have liked it.

Mom at Dad's grave

2008-06-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

We went to the cemetary to put flowers on Dad's, Granny Borcherd's, and John's graves. I think is a poignant shot of Mom making sure Dad's flowers are just right.

Cathy in Canada

2008-06-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

Well, the time has come for mom (Cathy) to leave Canada. We have all had a wonderful visit and tearful goodbyes. I will try to post some pictures of her time with each of us, but today i am posting from work and I have limited pictures here with me.
When she was with us she worked and worked and WORKED.
We had a fantastic time and we miss her desperately. Here are some of the things we did.
Prune.
Pull down much of an old building which had been bulldozed.
Build a compost.

California - Jan 08

2008-02-06T18:47:00.000-08:00

We went to Long John Silver's and had Fish & Chips in dad's honor. Actually, mom had chicken, but we still love her.

The obligatory picture taken in front of the house. Unfortunately our plus-sized bodies cover up mom's beautiful bright pink azalea's in bloom.

Nadia in the tub with Sam and Emma. She LOVED spending lots of time with them. She misses them horribly. Wish we lived closer!

Nadine's wrapped up tootsies - which are not nearly so exciting to look at as when they had the pins sticking out the ends of them :). The cast goes almost up to my knee. It's a hassle - especially in bed!

Eric Budd's Tools Find a New Home

2008-01-15T18:49:00.000-08:00

In October, we drove out to Mom's and Brenda's to pick up Dad's tools. After a lot of cleaning and rearranging, Eric has them displayed in our garage. I think it's a work of art.

This is The Season

2007-12-26T15:15:00.000-08:00

Have you seen the book of paintings by Simon Dewey entitled "This is the Season"? As far as I'm aware, this book was commissioned to "fit" with the primary song "This is the season". Thanksgiving Point up here between us and SLC has Christmas lights, and after you do the santa, elves, etc., you can drive through a "nativity" one. They play the primary song and have life sized paintings. When I saw those paintings, and found out there was a book - I really wanted it. So Rich got it for me last Christmas, and I had the artist (an English guy, now living in Canada) sign it when I heard he was going to be at a Seagull (discount) Bookstore close to us this year.

So I've got the book, but obviously didn't want to cut it up. I *REALLY* wanted one larger pic of the main nativity picture to frame, but couldn't find it. So when I took my book in for him to sign, I asked where I could find a bigger copy. He said they weren't available because rights are held by the book company. But he went home and found me a "Proof copy" of the book, and autographed the one picture, and GAVE the proof copy of the book to me!!! Nice man. Anyway, so I have torn that one apart, and have the stable scene (of his) in one frame, and the wise men in another frame, and the shepherds in a third frame. And then I put the nativity I ironed/stitched etc on the top.

When I went to the signing with the artist, I bought a few small prints for the family (just 5x7s with a double mat at about $5 and $6 each). I got three AWESOME ones that I think FIT the little ones perfectly: The Savior walking on the water lifting the disciple up for Ben - Simon Dewey wrote "Have Faith in Me" and signed it. The Savior with a little dark haired girl (that could be Nadia from a distance) - with "I Love You" written, and The Savior calling his disciples from their fishing nets for Dan - with "Come Follow Me" written. I love them.

BTW: I would love to collect nativities from all over, but only have a few so far (from Africa, Ukraine, Russia, Singapore, and two from Chile, a small precious moments one, plus a few homemade things). I put them all out on my piano, and I have a small tree you can see part of that's my "nativity tree". As Richard would say, it's a "Craft store tree - not a home/family tree"! I just have gold and blue/gold baubles that depict the nativity, little bells tied with gold ribbon, and little gold stars. So that's my "nativity" corner of the living room.

I *HATE* taking my decorations down - it always looks so BARE afterwards. So I like the fact that we can leave them up through January 7th (the Ukrainian celebration of Christmas for the kids).

Michael Budd

2007-12-16T18:54:00.000-08:00

This is Michael Budd. He is 16 years old, 6 feet tall, and legally blind. Since he's had the same vision problem since he was born he cannot comprehend what he can't see. He thinks his vision is far more normal than it really is. He is fiercely determined to be just like everyone else.

Unfortunately, this just isn't possible. He cannot see anything directly in front of him, and his peripheral vision is estimated to be 20/600. He can read enlarged font if he holds it next to the side of his eye. He can use a computer if he gets close enough to touch the screen with his cheek. He can read text messages the same way.

He has to rely on 'routine' to function in many ways. If someone out of the ordinary stops by, he cannot tell who they are until they talk. We could be six feet in front of him and he wouldn't recognize who we were. Being legally blind naturally excludes him from many activities. Driving has been the most difficult for him to accept so far.

He has learned to adapt very well. He reads Braille, uses a magnifier to enlarge regular text, snow boards, busses tables at a local pizzeria, rides a bike, uses public transportation adeptly, and manages the school hockey team.

Lately, he's been more than a tad obnoxious. Authority figures aren't his favorite people. He has a huge support system between parents, family, advisors and teachers from Logan High, Utah School for the Deaf and Blind, Department of Rehabilitation, and church. As far as I can tell, we all bug him. :)

We had two meetings last week to help him transition from childhood to independent adulthood. He seemed rebellious and oblivious during both meetings even though nine different adults devoted their time to helping him. It was discouraging. It almost seemed as if he was determined to fail no matter how much support he was offered. My hope was renewed in him today.

Sundays aren't his favorite days. He usually works late Saturday nights, and going to church isn't high on his list of things to get out of bed for. By the time you endure his ranting tirade you wish you'd let him stay in bed. Today was different because of this little machine.

This is called a Braillenote. The complete English language is typed with the center six keys. The other keys navigate through the machine's memory and functions. The bottom black panel is a Braille read out. The little silver dots rise and fall to form different letters and contractions. Usually, only a few words can be displayed at a time. Michael reads the raised 'dots' and then pushes the key to advance to the next line. It has a TON of memory. Complete textbooks, his computer files, music, and all of the scriptures and hymns can be stored and searched on the machine.

Sighted people, including myself, tend to marvel at the technology and Michael's ability to use it. Michael, however, hates to use it because he hates to be different. He's afraid people will think he is weird. Today, Eric insisted that he take it to church, and to our astonishment, Michael DID! He used it to read the sacrament prayer. The other priests (bless their teenage selves) were in awe and made a huge fuss over it. Michael was beaming. He never sings in church since he cannot use a hymn book. Today, he searched for the page number, found the hymn and sang his little heart out. It brought tears to my eyes. He was even able to keep up with the pace of the hymns. It was a happy happy day!

Next thing we know, he'll learn to carry a tune!

Christmas tree shopping

2007-12-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

Last week the temperature rose from -44 degrees celcius to -25 degrees celcius and we decided if we were going to get a Christmas tree we needed to do it right away or it would get too cold again. We bundled up and took a trip with friends down to their riverside property at Green Island. It was a beautiful day but still quite cold.

Because it is impossible to get into the woods in a vehicle, we went on snowmobiles and they pulled us on their family sled. It was a LOT of fun but once you get going the breeze in your face is insane.

We looked and looked and looked for the "perfect" tree and decided that what we need to do is look in the summer and mark a tree to go back for in the winter. We decided on this small one because it had good proportions.

The cold took a toll on the chainsaw also and it took Jim quite a few tries to get the chainsaw going. Once we got the tree cut down and all the snow came off it, it is a little "sparce".

Because of the cold we decided to go home and have hot chocolate instead of the hot choc and weiner roast we had planned for outside. Shelly and Max were very happy with that decision.

Now the tree is in our house, but unfortunately our containers with all our tree decorations are in the Quonet which is frozen shut! Hopefully this weekend we will be able to get into it and finish decorating the house.

Alderson/Francis Grandkids Christmas Party

2007-12-02T22:14:00.000-08:00

THis is just a few of the pictures. I am REALLY tired and have to be up at 4:30 so will try to do more tomorrow! I would say it was a resounding success. The kids had a blast and Bren and I were SHATTERED by the end of it all. I think we're going to have to work out all year to get in better shape to handle it all better next year!!!

Rich ... a BYU-Idol Finalist ... :)

2007-11-29T15:24:00.000-08:00

Rich's friend persuaded him to try out at "BYU-Idol" this week.

Rich's team had JUST won the intramural ultimate frisbee

contest, and he had to run home to shower, and he barely

got back to the BYU-Idol contest as they called him up!

He was out of breath and a little nervous, but did GREAT.

There were about 10 contestants (they have multiple early

rounds, and 3 contestants from each round advance to the

finals). All the other contestants had large entourages to cheer

for them. There was an "applause meter" that they registered

the applause, and the 3 contestants with the highest applause

would move forward. Rich hadn't told ANYONE except for me

and his friend who was having him compete, so the fact that he

got in the top 3 based on volume of applause was REALLY good.

Unfortunately, I have a crummy camera and I can't change

the zoom setting while I'm videoing, so I couldn't show some

of his "crowd pleasing" footwork :). Finals will be Dec 12th.

Amethyst Crow - First Day of Kindergarten

2007-11-28T19:58:00.001-08:00

I'm ready -let's go.

Dad came from California for Amethyst's first
day at school.

At school with Mom and Dad.

San Francisco with Gram'ma, Papa and Daddy

2007-11-28T19:49:00.001-08:00

Gram'ma, Papa & Amethyst on Alcatraz -
San Francisco across the bay.

Speaks for itself!

Gram'ma, Papa, Daddy, & Amethyst - Angel Island

Amethyst & Darryn & a magnificent Redwood.

Amethyst riding on her Daddy's
shoulders - tied on with dreadlocks!

Spring & Summer with Amethyst

2007-11-28T19:23:00.000-08:00

Ouma & Amethyst at the Crows when mom visited
in Spring 2007

Kaleb Gordon & Amethyst

Water balloon fights in the Crow's back yard.

Amethyst in her princess dress from Ouma and
Aunty Bren.

Nadine's Tattoos

2007-11-25T19:50:00.000-08:00

Can you find my tattoos? There are SIX of them :)
This picture was taken a few weeks after I got them.
Jan 2006

That's them on the eyes and lips after the
swellings went down!!

Here's a picture a few days after I had them done -
It took AGES for them to feel better - NOT fun!
I wish I'd taken a picture the day I did it.
If you want the gory details, I'll put them below.

Permanent Make-up: Details details...

2007-11-25T19:12:00.000-08:00

I had saved for a serger sewing machine for several years (I asked for money for birthdays, Christmas, Anniversary, Mother’s Day, and I had about $300 saved). Then I saw a friend who had the permanent make-up done and I *LOVED* it. So after debating for a while, I took my serger money and spent most of it on tattoos :). For quite a while now, I have *hated* the fact that my lips were so "washed out". I felt it really contributed to my looking aged! I hadn’t ever considered doing "permanent eye-liner" but my friend loved it so much, and I never could find an eyeliner that didn’t smudge down and look a big mess after a couple of hours. So I had my eyes and lips done at the same time, and it was about 3 hours under the needle! I absolutely LOVE the end result, but I have to say, if you're thinking of having it done, I thought it was EXCRUCIATING!

She did put numbing cream on my lips (and let it sit for a while before she worked on my lips), but it wasn’t very effective until the lips were "opened up". So it was EXTREMELY painful initially as she basically ran this machine over the entire surface of my lips and "ripped them open" in order to take the dye. (I don’t know what the technical terms are, I only know what it felt like!) Once my lips were open, she put more numbing cream on, and while that went to work, she did my eyes. When she went back to my lips, I didn’t feel anything at all. It was EASY - NO PAIN - until the recovery process.

Actually, having the eyes done was NOT as painful as the lips. But I found it irritating in the EXTREME - I can’t tell you how difficult it was for me. You have to keep your eye open and steady with that machine buzzing right at the edge of your eye. I got to the point where I just said, "STOP - I can’t TAKE any more!"

After - You are BURNING and need LOTS of crushed ice IMMEDIATELY. On the eyes, I had to keep ice on for 20-30 mins of every hour for the first evening. The next morning, I did maybe 10 mins every few hours. They peel a bit. But the recovery was really very easy. The lips were another matter. I walked around holding a bag of crushed ice to my lips almost SOLID for the first day and MOST of the next day too, and I looked like Nadia had painted my lips for me! In fact I looked AWFUL for a good 3 days, and not so great for 3 days after that. Your lips blister and peel, and bits of the color peel off every little while, until the whole top layer has peeled off.

I *DO* love it. Initially the "oddest" part to me was that I would wake up in the morning, and looked like I was wearing lipstick. The eyeliner is GREAT. Most days, I get up and go, and don’t do anything else with make-up. The only time I put on eye shadow & mascara is for church, going out, etc. So I figure I save a LOT in time and money because of that. Negatives are primarily the miserable recovery. I do think that my eyes are more sensitive since I had it done. It’s odd and hard to quantify, but they seem to "tear up" more often (no - I’m not talking about REAL tears - that Vermeulen genetic curse). And they just feel more sensitive as I put on mascara.

BTW: This is how I found out that there was an oral anti-VIRAL med (to stop cold sores breaking out). The lady who did my "tattoos" recommended it, because she said you can break out in hundreds of cold sores after you have your lips done. My dentist prescribed it for me. If anyone is interested, it’s AYCYCLOVIR (generic for Valtrex).

I have been told that there are more BAD practitioners out there than good ones, so if you decide to do it, be sure to check around thoroughly and make sure you’re getting a good one!
If you want cost info - I paid $100 for the eye liner and $125 for full lips. I was told that in order to make the color more uniform and make the pigment last longer, I needed a touch up about 6 weeks after. Well, I couldn’t hack the thought of anything on my eyes, so only did the lips. In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t done the touch up on the lips - I don’t think it was needed. They also said people usually do a touch up on the eyes every 2 years or so and the lips more often (for $50 each). Well, it’s 2 years now, and I have no intention of doing them again any time soon. I think they still look great. So that’s my tattoo story - and I’m sticking to it :).

Evans Pumpkin Fun

2007-11-25T19:00:00.000-08:00

Benjamin loved his funny shaped pumpkin, Nadia carved almost
every part of hers by herself with just a little help from mom,
Daniel didn't want his picture taken, and mom bought a "fake"
pumpkin so my arthritic hands don't have to cut this (one of
my favorite designs) every single year :).

Evans Hallowe'en outfits

2007-11-25T18:48:00.000-08:00

Daniel as special forces, Benjamin as a Viking,
Nadia as a fairy, and mom and dad as pirates
(mom had a little difficulty doing the "evil eye"!).

Xander and Ken - Exciting New House!

2007-11-24T17:51:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,

I am not really much of a blogger - anything online seems like ALOT of work for me even though I do know how to work with computers, email, internet etc...

But I thought you might all want to have an update on how Ken and I are doing and see our new house!!!

It is literally about a block away from Shanna Banana's house so I guess we'll be seeing alot more of Brent, Shanna, Jack and Tater :-)

Lets see... how do you add pictures to this thing...

Mike Cates 60th Birthday [Missionary Africa Friend]

2007-11-23T16:59:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Song for Mike Cates

2007-11-23T16:30:00.000-08:00

Fun at Jordanelle Dam with PJ & Kim's great lake toys! Aug 07

2007-11-22T18:30:00.000-08:00

Richard really *should* be afraid with PJ being at the
boat controls. Sharlyn, Ashleigh & Nick behind him.

I *love* Sharlyn's laugh :)

2007-11-22T18:29:00.000-08:00

That's Nick bouncing on the back - and eventually losing it!

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